i kept my word and you hate me for it now~

This is just an entry for saturday..i was lazy to make a blog then but i did wrote it all in notepad so yeah here it is :).

Well alot has happened recently and i know that its kind of a bad start to start off your blog with an emo/whiny entry but heck,it doesnt matter..Besides im in the mood to give an extremely long entry.First of all history paper was tough but still i remembered whatever mr siva taught me in class and it wasnt that hard to get all the ideas :D.. just took me 15 mins to actually recall everything back to my head -_-.. but still it went well :).. F&N paper was suprisingly easy..kinda happy with that.. :D

anyways alot of shit happened recently which is kind of the equivalent of a gunshot to my face.still i cant believe this is the end..some of you may or may not know what's happening but trust me,you dont wanna know. :(
seriously,it sucks to be totally crushed and unintentionally stepped on.i knew it that "the day" would either be my best day or my worst day so far..and it turned out to be the WORST day ever.period.i just felt like an idiot after what happened.2 years of my life going down the drain..i dont even know why i bothered in the first place because i always had a feeling that this MAY happen but i just kept denying it.Worst thing after getting ur heart broken is to get ur heart stepped on unintentionally.I know what's going on but whatever you said pretty much killed me inside..not trying to be emo but its kinda true.2 years of dreading if this day will ever come..and it came..and it turned out worse than dreading if the day will ever come..

why the hell did i want a day that turned out to be the WORST day of my life?

ooohh but mr smart guy over here always denies the fact that you cannot expect someone else to do something after all you've done.like i said,i always knew it that this may happen..but still i always deny it..because i believed it wont happen.I know its always hard to talk to someone after 5 years of not talking to each other.but still i remember the nights i spent not sleeping,just thinking of her.saying sorry to god knows who and forever hating myself for not getting in contact..but after 2 years of hell trying to search,FINALLY i got her contact back. and i even have to hate someone i dont want to hate just to get to her.yeah i know,im the idiot here.times when i felt like giving up,almost everyone asked me to at times..but i never did..until now.I have absolutely no idea when im whining but it just feels great to let it all out :).. but still why am i doing this? you wont even fucking read this and even if you did,im pretty sure you couldnt care less. After all that happened,im pretty fucking sure that you wouldnt even care. You're right,why am i even bothering? you know why? because i care from last time. and i still do.

Bleh,i shall stop my emo-ing right now.its affecting me a little.. no its affecting me ALOT. i fucking stone at the sky for atleast 5 hours for the past few days listening to songs,become pissed at everyone for no reason [sorry mom & dan you got it the worse :(].but still,i cant believe that i actually expected something different to happen. HAH. as if.whatever you did really hurt me alot,but i knew that if you would say that,i would be emo and shit.. but i NEVER expected you to really downright kill me inside. yeah,it did hurt me alot when you told me that.but it fucking killed me when you had no idea what you were talking about.i shall stop now..the left side at the back of my head is getting numb and cold thinking about this stuff..also i havent been talking sense to people lately.so i think i need to give my brain a rest.its been hell for it lately :P..
the quotes of whatever the hell you said still flies around in my brain,i can never forget that.

"eh omg i cannot look at your face" <= wtf man?
"it cant happen",'why?' "because it just WONT happen"
"why you bother wasting your time with me?" <= also wtf?

I learned that: "its amazing how even when you have no idea what you're talking about,it may hurt someone real bad" but well..whatever happened is the past.i gotta stop being EMO.i can NEVER change it and i wish you happy belated bday :).i just hoped that you wont be too affected by it just like i am.just blame it all on me,even though i may or may not be the cause of this,just blame it on me alright.stay happy and always stay the cute girl you always have been :)

on the BRIGHT side haha.. finally got my room to be painted a new colour than that sissy pink colour.. -_-
here are the pics :D..